Headlines

A trial attempt at having a crack at some odd headlines..Jay Leno style

Headline : India beat Pak in blind cricket
Comment : So, the Indian national team beat the Pakistan blind team? That sounds reasonably credible.

Headline : Norwegian Woman fined 40000 kroner for raping Man
Comment : Just how lucky can one get huh? Getting paid for eating sugar!

Headline : Testicles removed instead of Prostrate gland in a wrong Operation in a South Africa. Man complains that it has led to a 10 Kg increase in his weight.
Comment : If I had my testicles removed, increase in weight would not be my primary problem!

Headline : Man found Skin in a Arby's Chicken Sandwich.
Comment : So, did Arby employ someone from Tacobell?

Headline : MJ had sex when 10 years old.
Comment : Is that a typo? 'when' or 'with' ?

Headline: Elton John to wed same sex partner David Furnish.
Comment : And the Guests are requested to use the "back-door-entrance".

Headline : Pitt & Jolie deny staying together at a hotel in Africa
Comment : Yeah they said that they just slept together!

Poor thing....!

It was a pleasant sunny day, inspite of a chill wind. I was sitting on one of those park benches, chatting with some of my other jobless friends. We were talking about effective time utilization. Somehow felt, that it was like a group of drunkards talking about politics and national development!

Just when I turned back, I noticed a pretty and cute girl taking a nap in one of the other benches. Her face was an example of innocence. She was like a cute little doll and somehow everything about her, represented sweetness.She was wearing a long skirt and a sleeveless tops.

Just when I was totally engrossed with her charmingly beautiful spotless innocent face, I noticed that the wind was doing its job. It was cajoling the skirt to move up and the skirt was obliging, hesitantly. Suddenly, she became the center of attraction to the entire park. There was a mischievous silence as every Tom, Dick and Harry ogled at her shapely legs, even as the poor thing was sleeping without an iota of doubt of whats happening around her!

I am no stranger to the bird watching concept, but this looked totally embarassing and infuriating to me. Checking out a female is like taking a look at the sun, you just take a peek, you dont stare! You know what happens when you stare at the sun! But here I was, being surrounded by Peeping Toms, who just dint think it is immoral to peep into unintentional exposure!I wanted to wake her up to put a full stop to this free exhibition, but was contemplating on how to explain it to her and whether she would understand my good intentions.

Just as I was trying to overcome my hesitations, she woke up, much to my relief! I know it would be hard to beleive, but I was happy.She got up, glanced around, trying to remember where she was, tied her hair behind and got ready to leave.

Just when she was about to leave, she removed the long skirt, folded the cloth four times and tied it around her neck. Thats when I realized that it was just a scarf and there she walked with the shortest of the mini skirts I'd ever seen!

Three Ways to Lose a Girl Friend

I know that the topic seems weird and it doesn't require a nobel Prize winner to figure it out. But what the heck! Might really help someone who's having a hard time breakin up..

Way One:
You and her take the same course at school. For some reason, God has compensated her brains with more beauty (If there is only one God, is He male?!!). So, she has a real tough time with her homework submissions. And it goes without saying that God has replaced beauty with brains for you (damn it!). You help her out with her homework at very critical times and she feels very indebted/attracted to you. She asks you to ask her for something in return for your favor. Sensing an opening, you give a huge build up to the proceedings. You ask her, whether you can ask ANYTHING? (If possible with a wink). She borrows shyness from somewhere and answers in the affirmative. You see a great expectation in her eyes.. You stumble for words, act nervous and after repeated requests you pop up the big question..."Can you buy me a coffee?"

Result : You wont even get the coffee.

Way two:
You and her have been friends for some time, both contemplating about taking it to the next level. Both of you have been playing hide and seek with emotions. Here comes her birthday. Would you want another chance to drop a hint? Aren't birthdays supposed to be relationship barometers? You want to do something special that will remain in her mind for a long time. You want to strike an impression, yet you are very much wary of your wallet. You get an excellent idea! You get a rose (a bunch of red, pink and yellow roses to keep her guessing!) and an empty box. You fill the box with thermocoal and crappy stuff and leave a small note in it. Give her the present and vacate the place. She opens the box, expecting something invaluable. She finds it empty and then reads the note that you left, which goes as follows:

"Dear XYZ, Do you find this box to be empty? Actually, it is not!! It has a sample of all the love, affection and friendship, that we mutually share with each other! You can't see it, You can only feel it! Hope you feel it!"

Result: She starts dating one of your friends, who did not even remember her birthday!

Way three:
This one is the best. You and her are collegues and have been forced to spend a lot of time together. She is expecting you to take the lead and break th ice. You want to do it a bit classy. You learn her interests and try to hit a home run. She seems to love reading (or atleast acts so) and reads a lot of novels. You say that you write stories (which itself is a story!). She is impressed. She wants you to narrate one of them to her. Your story goes as foll:

"Hero is a very possessive character (girls like their men to be possesive). Hero starts loving the heroine (well now, that is a discovery!). But the heroine just treats him as her friend (we all know it! dont we?). When the hero musters all his courage to propose, she hands him an invitation to her marriage with someone. Hero is crestfallen. The wedding day arrives. Unfortunately, the heroine's car meets with an accident and her leg has to be amputed! Marriage gets cancelled. Hero makes a re-entry. He proposes, she is overwhelmed and they get married!"

Now, if you stop here, it would have been a normal story, but she would have fallen for it, as she sees the hero in your character. But your enthusiasm to make the story more interesting, makes you to go ahead and add a twist to the story in the climax. You continue,

"After the wedding is over, the hero waits outside the room on their first night, very nervously. At that point, a goonda makes an entry and shouts at the hero, 'You a**h***! I dashed my car into your girl's car carefully, as you told, and managed to get her just injured! You havent made your payment yet!' ".

Your artistic creativity overtook your emotions and she is dumbstruck at your imagination. Remember, she saw the hero in you.

Result: She quits the company and insures her leg!

All fun apart, all three ways point to the same fact. If you love someone, dont test their love for you by dropping immature hints. Be a Man and propose your love. You may not get out from the non striker's position, but you dont score either!

Arm P