Arresting Your Attention

Blonde talk

2007-09-28T19:39:00.000-04:00

Recently, I was privy to a conversation between two blonde bomb shells. I was in my kitchen fixing up a breakfast for myself. I couldn't help myself from overhearing these two girls trying to do something with their laptop. Blondes and computers - it was just too irresistable a combination to miss.

One of them was giving a lecture on computers to the other. It got me really curious mostly because, the one who was lecturing, previously, had thought that Linux was a contraceptive. I wish it was, because I am on it all the time :)

As I continued listening to their conversation, I understood that they were trying to fill some online form. It involved typing out some personal information and as you would have guessed, they did not remember most of their own information.

This was when the smart blondie decided to take out her laptop, instead of the one that they were using already. The other one was wondering how that would help. Thats when the smart one came up with this technical explanation, that was very impressive. At least for the time being.

She said that her laptop has been configured to use its built-in memory that captures personal information and stores it on the disk. When you connect to the internet modem, it talks with the Internet provider and retrieves the information and fills up the information.

Now, I work with computers and make a living out of it. But her explanation left me dizzy for a while. She was cock-sure (cock-sure probably is the best way to describe her confidence :)) about what she was talking.

I walked up to them and took a peek at their work-in-progress. And what do you know? The built-in memory - internet modem- information retriever - configuration was nothing but Google toolbar!

She should probably be Google's technical writer!

Heaven's hired someone new

2006-09-13T15:31:00.000-04:00

I had written this post more than a year back. Apparently, I was waiting for a miracle, that was never going to happen.
She should be watching from heaven now. May her soul rest in peace!

Mom

2006-05-15T01:10:00.000-04:00

Im not an atheist. I beleive in my mom.

Strange Boundaries

2006-04-25T20:56:00.000-04:00

Boundaries amaze me. Who decides them? Who fixes them? I am not talking about a Line of Control or a fence. Boundaries that encapsulate an environment. Boundaries that define human behavior and interaction. Let me explain.

Scene 1. I am having this deep technical discussion with my boss in the confines of a conference room.

Scene 2. After playing volleyball with a bunch of collegues, which includes my boss, I am there in the changing room getting ready for a shower. The technical discussion somehow sneaks in to the changing room and I end up discussing it with my boss in the changing room. As we talk, my boss begins to strip down for the shower. The clothes come down, but the discussion continues.

It was the same discussion. Same participants. But would it be appropriate to be nude in a conference room? When a discussion can take place in both the conference and changing rooms, what makes it inappropriate to be nude in a conference room? This is not the only example, but the others weren't as decent as this one! (you can do the guess work).

Whenever I go to a rest room, I always wonder how a thin wall seperates two people s(h)itting in adjacent stalls. Boundaries amaze me.

Boundaries form an environment, which decides human interaction and behavior. But who draws them and how are they drawn? Is this civilization?

And by the way, nowadays, after a game, I go home for a shower.

Random thoughts

2006-01-09T23:19:00.000-05:00

One headline that caught my attention today was that a family from Kerala was asked to get down from an Emirates flight. No. No terrorist connections. Some thing worse than that. Age old Mom-in-law Vs Daughter-in-law feud. The flight had just gotten on the runway, when this lady couldn't resist taking repeated swipes against her mom-in-law, resulting in saying goodbye to fellow passengers. Well, seems like this cat fight has come a long way from kitchen to mid-air. Which makes me wonder why do women have this traditional weakness of not getting along well among themselves. Maybe one of those things which Men will never understand. You put 5 girls in a room. They will form 5 groups. Simple math.

Seems like the film world is so bent on getting Sania Mirza to act in films. Apparently, they need to look beyond what she wears and understand that she plays a game called tennis. And there are objections from you-name-it-they-call-it organizations against her dress code during games. It might be difficult to understand, but worthy to point out that 'purdah' might not be a good wear when you have to run around. Leave the girl alone..for God's sake!

West virginia Miners' tragedy was really bad. Getting trapped far below sea level, with no oxygen and no light, waiting for the death, which takes its own sweet time - worst way to die! A note was found from one of the bodies recovered, which read 'Tell all, I ll see them on the other side. It wasnt that bad. I just went to sleep'. I wish it was that simple!

The worst thing about ending a relationship is getting used to forget things that you had gotten used to.

Talking Straight

2005-10-03T19:56:00.000-04:00

Is this world a lil gay-biased? Dont get me wrong, I ve got nothing against homosexuality, but inspite of all the hue and cry over same sex marriage and all, I feel that they enjoy a lot of previleges, that straight people can only dream about.

Just take the locker room in a gym for example. I dont think I have to explain the necessity of having seperate locker rooms for men and women. But doesnt that make locker rooms a gay paradise? Having to look at the nude behinds of my same team is not my idea of having a good workout. But what is an irritation to me could lo and behold, a gay man's pleasure and motivation to go to gym! And talking about motivation, did somebody wonder why gay people have immmaculately sculpted bodies?!

As I said before, I have no intention of ridiculing homosexuality or passing a judgement. I just want to stand up and talk for the straight people. All I am asking for is equality. If a gay man can be allowed in a Men's locker room, a straight man should be allowed in Women's changing room too! Or to make things simple, there should be a common changing room for men and women!

Wat say ppl? ( Straight guys, i can already sense your feelings of gratitude!)

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to offend anyone and in case if it offends anyone, sincere apologies. As my guru Seinfeld says, "Not that there is anything wrong with it!".

65 Limit

2005-09-21T15:05:00.000-04:00

An attempt to write a story in 65 words, inspired from vivhyd's blog (changed the limit from 55 to 65!).

He was delighted to see a basket of eggs. He realized that his dad's indifference when he asked him for an egg was just to surprise him. He grabbed one and drank it in a gulp.
His inebriated father was getting a good sleep, as he had a long day ahead. He has been designated to throw the acid-filled eggs in tommorrow's political meeting.

Sunshine of my life

2005-09-09T14:07:00.000-04:00

You are

the salt in my sambhar.
the sugar in my coffee.
the taste in my tongue.
the smile in my face.

the trigger in my gun.
the vigor in my fun.
the toppings in my pizza.
the droplets in my drizzle.

the apple of my eye.
the nipple of my chest.
the fuel of my car.
the angel of my heaven.

You are the Sunshine of my life.

Know your enemy

2005-08-15T20:33:00.000-04:00

Should I kill these ants? I kept asking this question for some time. Until one of them managed to enter my ear, while in bed.

Is it okay to kill them? Isn't it a sin? No..it is the survival of the best. For me to survive without hassles, I have to get rid of them.

Will they seek revenge on me? Aaah! What revenge could these ants possibly take on me? What could they really do?! They are just ants!..

Not Really. They can do something.

Ants can get into your pants. And they seem to know what to do and when to do.

Never Under estimate your enemy. I realized it the hard way!

The art of gifting

2005-07-28T01:51:00.000-04:00

Gifting is an art. It has got to be appealing, thoughtful and expressive. Should it be useful? If your gut feeling says 'yes', i would say 'think twice!!'

You cant gift a nose hair trimmer to your boss, just because you see a bush covering his nostrils. Sure, he could use a trimmer, but gifting him with one is not exactly the right way of wishing him, I would think.

And then, there is this thing where you have to think about others, apart from the one for whom the gift is for, when you buy a gift. How does gifting my room mate with a perfume pack, portray my sexual priorities in a different light?

The worst thing about these birthdays, gifts and parties is that you start expecting gifts and it will be a surprise if there is no surprise party. I mean, when people act as if they are surprised, when they see a bunch of people throw a surprise party on their birthday, are they really surprised? C'mmon! I would have really practised my reaction a couple of times atleast. Surprise me with no surprise!

Now pardon me for recycling a bit from one of my earlier blogs, but I feel this would be a good way to end this one. It is one of my favorite blog and it also happens to be one of the dumbest things I ve done.

It was a birthday of one of my crushes. I dint have much time or money to get her a gift, but aren't birthday gifts relationship barometers? So, I took an empty box and filled it with some crap to make it look heavy and left a note inside it. Then I got it gift wrapped, handed it over to her and left before she opened it. The note inside the box read as foll:

'Dear XYZ (no, no, XYZ was nt her name), Do you find this box empty? Actually it is not! It has a sample of all the love, affection and friendship (you should always include friendship in the equation, so that you have something to fall back, when love doesnt bloom in her heart), that we mutually share with each other. You cant see it, You can only feel it. Hope you feel it!"

Well, should I really say that she started dating one of my friend, who did not even remember her birthday?

Complete Happiness

2005-07-01T20:10:00.000-04:00

When would you be happy..completely happy?

When you get a job?
Hmm..I could have got a better offer

When you get promoted?
Gosh! More responsibilities now!

When you win a game?
Well, the opposition is going to come back very strong next time!

When you end up with the one whom you loved?
Is she the right one?

When you get to know you are going to be a father?
Was it really me?

When you finally retire?
Im counting my days now!

So, you have never been happy? Never ever?
No. I have been happy. yeah! very, very happy! When i was young. Very young. I was happy when I got the corner seat in the bus, next to the window. I was the happiest person in the bus..happiest in the world!

The value of anonymity

2005-06-30T21:40:00.000-04:00

People who have had a chance to grow up with an ample diet of Indian cinema would know what I am going to talk about. Indian movies have taught us the value of being anonymous at a very young age.

It is the day when the 'heroine' is getting married. Everything is all set. The groom is on the stage (or whatever that is called), resembling a scapegoat with all those garlands, with a couple of kids fighting to sit near the groom and get covered by the video camera guy. The groom's cousins would be standing behind him, with those borrowed necklaces and all the bling blings, whispering something to his ears and immediately bursting into an artificial laughter ( I bet neither of them would have heard a single word of what the other had to say). To put it short, a typical wedding atmosphere with everything in place.

The bride arrives and sits down next to the groom with her head lowered. The groom thinks she is shy (unfortunately not able to figure out that her head is down due to the luggage she is carrying in her neck and not because of shyness). The cousin sisters nudge the groom's shoulder asking him to take a glance at her, as if he has not done it until then. The priest keeps doing his thing, the only decipherable part of his utterings being 'Mangalyam Thanthunanena etc etc', which is when we would know that the groom is going to tie the 'mangal sutra' (sacred chain).

So, the groom brings the mangal sutra around the bride's neck and suddenly some one would cry, "Stop it!". A guy suddenly emerges from the audience (or spectators) with a letter in hand. That letter would be addressed to the groom and would throw some unwanted light on the bride's flirtatious past.

The point to be noted here is the letter would n't have been signed. Yeah! an ANONYMOUS letter! But it has got the power to stop a marriage.

Being anonymous is a matter of convenience. Though it would be nice to have some courage and stand up for your thoughts and opinions, being anonymous is taking the easy route.

Being annoymous on the net adds to the thrill. There is a charm associated with mystery. But the charm fizzles out once you get to know what is behind the mask.

I like to give my thoughts a body, which is not mine. I like to put them in a vehicle that does not have a number plate. I like being anonymous, but I aint going to stop no wedding!

Poem..anyone?

2005-06-24T21:43:00.000-04:00

I always wanted to write an intellectual poem, something that stimulates the soul and brain. That desire has been further fuelled by reading poems of fellow bloggers. Even vivhyd has a poem in his blog. So here it goes. Let me know if the poem enlightened your soul.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
If the nurse is hot, keep the apples away.

Where there is Will, there is way.
If Will loves Bill, then he is gay.

Life is like a cigarette, it starts with flashes
And ends in ashes, in between there are clashes.

If life is a stage and I am just an actor
I can tell you one thing, God is the worst director.

Baby, when I look at your face I feel you are a heart-breaker
And When I look at your behind, you are a smooth speed-breaker.

I am a guy with a lot of fire and you are my object of desire
If you come anywhere near me, we'd need a babysitter to hire

Then, whenever I saw you, my heart skipped a beat
Now, whenever I see you, my hearts stops to beat.

Jack and Jill, they went up the hill
Jill forgot the pill and there came lil Bill.

When Mistakes Make Sense

2005-06-16T13:29:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since i wrote something. Big Deal huh? I gave a long holiday to whatever creativity I had, with impress-in-the-new-job week days, roam-around saturdays and do-nothing-lie-around-half naked sundays.

So, when i started typing without actually knowing what to write about, i was making a lot of typos.

So, I thought, why not write about typos. Thats something that everyone reading this could relate to. Everybody makes ishpelling mishtakes. No big deal. But the nature of the mistakes and the situation could make it a more sensitive issue.

First, Why would you make a spelling mistake, when you have a spell check in all the Office Applications? I, for example, turn off the spell check, mostly because I hate those irritating red lines and I hate Word telling me how to spell my own name.

My dear Microsoft word, I dont care where you came from, please shut it. Dont be a smart ass and get on my nerve. My problem with typos, even with the spell check on, is that even my mistakes make sense and fool the spell check. You see when mistakes make sense, it aint a mistake no more (justified my title!).

MS-word! if you cant see me omitting 'l' in public and 'f' in shift and if you cant prompt me when I type 'o' instead 'l' in blobs, something is wrong with you!

And speaking about the sensitivity of your typos, I once sent an email to a person by name Indar Bansal, but muffed it up by addressing him as Bandar Insal. And Word, thanks for missing to catch that. Were you expecting me to tell you that I dont speak hindi?

On a serious note, I feel that not only the spelling, but also our grammar and vocabulary have been seriously affected by the internet jargon. Emails, chat rooms, ebonics and now the blog world - haven't they contaminated the command(!!) we had on the English language?

I get really irritated with emails or messages, that are so full of abbreviations. And I am taking a stand now, to use the language as it was intended, as much as I can or as much I know. I would appreciate if my fellow bloggers spare a thought on it.

Hope

2005-05-28T04:52:00.000-04:00

If there is one movie that never ceases to win my admiration, no matter how many times I see it, it is Shawshank Redemption. Life is a bundle of realities, most of which are, let's face it, not so appealing. But what makes us to cling on to life, irrespective of how nice it has been to us?

It is Hope. 'Hope is a good thing..maybe the best of the things..and good things never die.'

We make plans for the next day, next week and even the next month. All in the hope that we would live see the next day.

When I first came to this country as a student, I got my first pay check for doing dishes in an on-campus restaurant. Dishes would be a mild word. Pots would be more appropriate. All I had at that point of time was hope. Hope that life would turn out the way I had planned, inspite of the initial hardships. And it did turn. I will always value the book I bought with that 90$ paycheck. It is a symbol of my hope and belief and a reminder that with self beleif and channelized hard work you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

Hoping for a good tommorrow,
Arm P

Waiting for a Miracle

2005-05-04T00:13:00.000-04:00

A 100 square feet room. And only one such room in the entire house. A remote village with an engineering college nearby. The one in which I studied or rather spent 4 years.

The above described place was the living place of my classmate, a native of the village. He lived there with his 2 brothers and his mother. His dad was a bedsheet salesman who roams around the neighboring states and comes home twice a year.

I have not seen anyone in their family wear gold. It wasn't necessary as thier hearts were made of gold. Everybody liked their family very much. Even Poverty.

As a hosteler, I always craved for home made food and as a result, I used to frequent their home. My taste buds still remember the food, my friend's mom has made for me.

They used to share whatever they had. Sometimes, they have even enacted the food sharing process and have gone to bed with empty stomachs. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to compare it to the poor weaver-feeding-Shahrukh-scene in Swades. I was almost like their 4th son.

My classmate was the middle son. The eldest one managed to do a diploma in computers and went to Chennai.

The youngest one was still at school. My classmate did his engineering in Computer science. I still remember his struggle at the beginning of every semester to pay the fees. An ancestral property did get him some loan and some breathing space.

He did his schooling in a Tamil medium school. He could hardly understand English, in his first year. But he came out of the college with a University Rank. He got a good job and is now sponsoring the tution fee for his younger brother.

His elder brother got a good job too. The entire family moved to Chennai. His dad retired from his thankless job. I felt very happy for him and his family. It was like watching a feel good movie, where hardworking good people overcome all odds.

Everything was falling in place. Atleast I thought so, until I called him after 6 months yesterday.

His Mom had a brain haemorrhage and a blood clot. As a result, she has lost her vision..a permanent loss!

As for my friend, he still has a smile in his face. He managed to hide this from me for 4 months. He has refused all his abroad chances to be with his mom. And above all, he is not complaining!

I was just complaining about not being able to watch 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. There is a lot more to life than what we think we are missing. No, I wont complain anymore. I am and for that matter a lot of us are very fortunate. God has been kind to us. But then why this bias God? and that too why against good people?

I saw my friend's mom as my own mother. And this would be the first Mother's day that she would n't be seeing. Miracles do happen. It should happen. Atleast this time.

With prayers,
Arm P

Headlines

2005-04-30T10:41:00.000-04:00

A trial attempt at having a crack at some odd headlines..Jay Leno style

Headline : India beat Pak in blind cricket
Comment : So, the Indian national team beat the Pakistan blind team? That sounds reasonably credible.

Headline : Norwegian Woman fined 40000 kroner for raping Man
Comment : Just how lucky can one get huh? Getting paid for eating sugar!

Headline : Testicles removed instead of Prostrate gland in a wrong Operation in a South Africa. Man complains that it has led to a 10 Kg increase in his weight.
Comment : If I had my testicles removed, increase in weight would not be my primary problem!

Headline : Man found Skin in a Arby's Chicken Sandwich.
Comment : So, did Arby employ someone from Tacobell?

Headline : MJ had sex when 10 years old.
Comment : Is that a typo? 'when' or 'with' ?

Headline: Elton John to wed same sex partner David Furnish.
Comment : And the Guests are requested to use the "back-door-entrance".

Headline : Pitt & Jolie deny staying together at a hotel in Africa
Comment : Yeah they said that they just slept together!

Poor thing....!

2005-04-15T09:21:00.000-04:00

It was a pleasant sunny day, inspite of a chill wind. I was sitting on one of those park benches, chatting with some of my other jobless friends. We were talking about effective time utilization. Somehow felt, that it was like a group of drunkards talking about politics and national development!

Just when I turned back, I noticed a pretty and cute girl taking a nap in one of the other benches. Her face was an example of innocence. She was like a cute little doll and somehow everything about her, represented sweetness.She was wearing a long skirt and a sleeveless tops.

Just when I was totally engrossed with her charmingly beautiful spotless innocent face, I noticed that the wind was doing its job. It was cajoling the skirt to move up and the skirt was obliging, hesitantly. Suddenly, she became the center of attraction to the entire park. There was a mischievous silence as every Tom, Dick and Harry ogled at her shapely legs, even as the poor thing was sleeping without an iota of doubt of whats happening around her!

I am no stranger to the bird watching concept, but this looked totally embarassing and infuriating to me. Checking out a female is like taking a look at the sun, you just take a peek, you dont stare! You know what happens when you stare at the sun! But here I was, being surrounded by Peeping Toms, who just dint think it is immoral to peep into unintentional exposure!I wanted to wake her up to put a full stop to this free exhibition, but was contemplating on how to explain it to her and whether she would understand my good intentions.

Just as I was trying to overcome my hesitations, she woke up, much to my relief! I know it would be hard to beleive, but I was happy.She got up, glanced around, trying to remember where she was, tied her hair behind and got ready to leave.

Just when she was about to leave, she removed the long skirt, folded the cloth four times and tied it around her neck. Thats when I realized that it was just a scarf and there she walked with the shortest of the mini skirts I'd ever seen!

Three Ways to Lose a Girl Friend

2005-04-01T13:08:00.000-05:00

I know that the topic seems weird and it doesn't require a nobel Prize winner to figure it out. But what the heck! Might really help someone who's having a hard time breakin up..

Way One:
You and her take the same course at school. For some reason, God has compensated her brains with more beauty (If there is only one God, is He male?!!). So, she has a real tough time with her homework submissions. And it goes without saying that God has replaced beauty with brains for you (damn it!). You help her out with her homework at very critical times and she feels very indebted/attracted to you. She asks you to ask her for something in return for your favor. Sensing an opening, you give a huge build up to the proceedings. You ask her, whether you can ask ANYTHING? (If possible with a wink). She borrows shyness from somewhere and answers in the affirmative. You see a great expectation in her eyes.. You stumble for words, act nervous and after repeated requests you pop up the big question..."Can you buy me a coffee?"

Result : You wont even get the coffee.

Way two:
You and her have been friends for some time, both contemplating about taking it to the next level. Both of you have been playing hide and seek with emotions. Here comes her birthday. Would you want another chance to drop a hint? Aren't birthdays supposed to be relationship barometers? You want to do something special that will remain in her mind for a long time. You want to strike an impression, yet you are very much wary of your wallet. You get an excellent idea! You get a rose (a bunch of red, pink and yellow roses to keep her guessing!) and an empty box. You fill the box with thermocoal and crappy stuff and leave a small note in it. Give her the present and vacate the place. She opens the box, expecting something invaluable. She finds it empty and then reads the note that you left, which goes as follows:

"Dear XYZ, Do you find this box to be empty? Actually, it is not!! It has a sample of all the love, affection and friendship, that we mutually share with each other! You can't see it, You can only feel it! Hope you feel it!"

Result: She starts dating one of your friends, who did not even remember her birthday!

Way three:
This one is the best. You and her are collegues and have been forced to spend a lot of time together. She is expecting you to take the lead and break th ice. You want to do it a bit classy. You learn her interests and try to hit a home run. She seems to love reading (or atleast acts so) and reads a lot of novels. You say that you write stories (which itself is a story!). She is impressed. She wants you to narrate one of them to her. Your story goes as foll:

"Hero is a very possessive character (girls like their men to be possesive). Hero starts loving the heroine (well now, that is a discovery!). But the heroine just treats him as her friend (we all know it! dont we?). When the hero musters all his courage to propose, she hands him an invitation to her marriage with someone. Hero is crestfallen. The wedding day arrives. Unfortunately, the heroine's car meets with an accident and her leg has to be amputed! Marriage gets cancelled. Hero makes a re-entry. He proposes, she is overwhelmed and they get married!"

Now, if you stop here, it would have been a normal story, but she would have fallen for it, as she sees the hero in your character. But your enthusiasm to make the story more interesting, makes you to go ahead and add a twist to the story in the climax. You continue,

"After the wedding is over, the hero waits outside the room on their first night, very nervously. At that point, a goonda makes an entry and shouts at the hero, 'You a**h***! I dashed my car into your girl's car carefully, as you told, and managed to get her just injured! You havent made your payment yet!' ".

Your artistic creativity overtook your emotions and she is dumbstruck at your imagination. Remember, she saw the hero in you.

Result: She quits the company and insures her leg!

All fun apart, all three ways point to the same fact. If you love someone, dont test their love for you by dropping immature hints. Be a Man and propose your love. You may not get out from the non striker's position, but you dont score either!

Arm P

Immigrating to a new Land

2005-03-31T00:25:00.000-05:00

I am relocating. From Rediff blogs to a spot in Blogspot. Why? The same old reason for relocating - Better Place, More exposure.

Let me begin this baby with one liners, that might stem out to two, three or four liners or sometimes a paragraph.

I have told you a million times, don't exaggerate!

My boss - comes early only when I am late!

Blue film, Red light Area, Yellow Magazines, Green talk - Sex IS colorful.

She came in my dreams and said, "Dont dream about me!"

She said, "I Love you", but..not to me!

Doesn't your back hurt, when you kiss your own ass?

I hate using exclamation marks!!!!

I think you pulled me over 'coz I dont have a driving license ?!!

So, what if I am not white-caucasian? I am still a black-cock-asian!

I am not single. I just broke up with my girl friend 20 years back.

Punish your enemy by getting him older roomies.

Gay also means being bright and pleasant. So, if you arent gay, you are sick and dull.

So now I accept, if the world had no women, it would be gay.

He was given capital punishment for attempting a suicide.

She wears her heart on her sleeve. Her tops are mostly sleeveless.

So, that's the trailor! Im gonna move my favorite blogs from rediff one by one. But if you have reached till this point and if you already know that I am laid back, you might want to check out My Rediff Blogs . If you haven't come across a blog with no readership, it is a lifetime chance. Go shawdy Go!

Arm P